No!No! Part 2: X Marks The Spot

I busted out my next two month's ball-and-chain last night: the No! No!. I am going to get to know this little guy intimately over the next couple months. OK ... I’m a bit scared. To break the ice with my new friend, I first assessed the workload. I have more chest hair than I realized. It’s sorta wavy and when pulled taught, it’s a good inch long. Right when I began to get overwhelmed, a fun and childish thought crosses my mind. With this new grooming tool, I can define a new identity. It won’t be a permanent one, but at least until next week when I begin getting serious about my new chesthairlessness. So without watching the DVD (I’m a guy—I hate directions—dumb, I know), I put in the hot blade intended for long hair and began. I start mowing upwards at an angle, and realize that this may take a few passes. The No! No! is not a lawnmower, after all. My chest hair is not only wavy, but truly unruly because it goes in all directions. I’m sure this would be easier if it went in a uniform direction. After 3 or 4 passes, I decide that trimming my extreme excess with scissors to a more manageable length will help a lot. I quickly trim the hair down to about an inch. This proves right; the hair is much more easily taken off. Once I got it short, I switched the blade for the one for stubble. The stubble blade took several passes, because I can't roll it in the same straight line every time; pushing down firmly helped. I tried to go slower, and of course the warm sensation got warmer, but the No! No! never burned me. The hot blade moves out towards the skin only when in motion, it only heats up when it's in use. When I went too slow, the blade gently dances in and out (up and away from my skin) as a protective measure to keep me from burning myself. I finished off the job with the smooth buffing pads, going in small circles. I figured this would be best because that wax-on-wax-off technique always worked for The Karate Kid, didn’t it? With a lot of long hair, I stunk up my apartment. The hair is burning off, right? My roommate Jennifer and I decided that at least the initial hair removal, when it's long like mine, should be done in a well-ventilated area. I dumbly did it in the living room, and not the bathroom, where I have a vent. I'll begin the real testing (watching the DVD!), Razor vs. No! No!, after the holidays. In the meantime, anyone know where I can get a cool looking cape? With my newfound secret identity, I feel the need to save the day. — Cade Peterson, Sephora